"Jesus said love one another. He didn't say love the whole world." - Mother Teresa

It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said ''tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people." - Cher

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'" - Isaac Asimov

"There is nothing like returing to a place that remains unchanged to find how you yourself have altered." - Nelson Mandela

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nutcases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed people ran for class president." - Kurt Vonnegut

"We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different." - Kurt Vonnegut

Groucho: Today on the show we have a man who has had seventeen children. Seventeen children! How could you possibly have seventeen children?
Man: Well, I guess I just really love my wife.
Groucho: Well, I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?" - Sigmund Freud

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid." - HAL

"I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down. I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists." - Hedley Lamarr Blazing Saddles

Bud: I saw Sissy today.
Uncle Bob: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Bud: Well, not very much. She gave me the finger, I gave her the finger. Well, I guess it's over. I don't know.
Urban Cowboy

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself. Steel Magnolias